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Foundational

MINDS

Parent Workbook

Supporting Your Child Through School Refusal

For Brains, Behaviours & Better Outcomes

A Comprehensive Guide for Families

Evidence-Based • Trauma-Informed • Neuro-Affirming

Welcome to Your School Refusal Support Journey

Foundational

MINDS

If you're reading this workbook, you're likely facing one of the most challenging situations a parent can encounter: your child is refusing to go to school. You're not alone, and there is hope.

What You'll Find in This Workbook

This comprehensive guide is divided into 8 modules designed to help you:

Understand the root causes of school refusal
Identify your child's specific triggers and needs
Develop targeted strategies based on evidence-based approaches
Build effective partnerships with school staff
Take care of yourself while supporting your child
Create a sustainable plan for long-term success

Remember: School refusal is not a choice or defiance. It's a sign that your child is struggling and needs support. With the right understanding and strategies, most children can successfully return to school.

How to Use This Workbook

Each module builds on the previous one, but you can also jump to sections that feel most urgent for your family. Take your time with each module, and remember that progress may not always be linear.

Keep a notebook alongside this workbook to track your observations, thoughts, and your child's progress.

1

Understanding School Refusal

Learning Goal: Gain clarity on what school refusal is (and isn't).

Key Insight: School refusal is driven by emotional distress and is different from truancy. It's not "bad behavior," but a coping attempt.

What Is School Refusal?

School refusal occurs when a child experiences severe emotional distress about attending school, leading to prolonged absences. Unlike truancy, children who experience school refusal:

Don't try to hide their absence from parents
Often exhibit physical symptoms (headaches, stomachaches)
May want to learn but feel unable to attend
Experience genuine emotional distress

Reflection Exercise

Consider these questions about your child's behavior:

1. When did the school refusal begin? Were there any triggering events?

2. What physical symptoms does your child experience?

3. How does your child's refusal differ from simply "not wanting" to go?

Understanding the Differences

School Refusal	Truancy	School Phobia
Emotional distress about school	Deliberate absence without distress	Specific fear of school element
Parents aware of absence	Often hidden from parents	Parents aware, specific trigger
Wants to succeed but can't	Lack of interest in school	Avoids specific situation
Physical symptoms common	No physical symptoms	Panic response to trigger

2

Why Does My Child Refuse School?

Learning Goal: Identify the function of your child's refusal.

Key Insight: Every refusal serves a purpose—understanding this purpose is key to finding the right solution.

The Four Functions of School Refusal

Function 1: Avoiding Negative Feelings

The child avoids school to escape general anxiety, depression, or overwhelming negative emotions triggered by the school environment.

Signs: Anxiety, panic attacks, crying, physical symptoms like stomachaches

Function 2: Escaping Social or Performance Situations

The child avoids specific social situations (peers, presentations) or evaluative situations (tests, being called on in class).

Signs: Fear of specific classes, social anxiety, perfectionism

Function 3: Seeking Attention from Caregivers

The child refuses school to gain or maintain attention from parents or caregivers.

Signs: Separation anxiety, clingy behavior, symptoms that improve when allowed to stay home

Function 4: Pursuing Tangible Rewards Outside School

The child prefers activities outside of school (video games, sleeping in, time with friends).

Signs: No distress when home, engaged in preferred activities, resistance without anxiety

Identifying Your Child's Function

Check all that apply to your child:

Shows physical symptoms of anxiety

Fears specific situations at school

Becomes upset when separated from parents

Prefers activities at home over school

Worries excessively about school performance

Has difficulty with peer relationships

Symptoms improve when allowed to stay home

Engages happily in non-school activities

Many children show signs of multiple functions. This is called a "mixed profile" and requires a combination of strategies.

3

Assessing School Refusal Together

Learning Goal: Use assessment tools to better understand your child's specific needs.

Key Insight: The School Refusal Assessment Scale-Revised (SRAS-R) helps clarify the primary function driving your child's refusal.

Questions to Explore with Your Child

Choose a calm moment to discuss these questions with your child. Their answers will help guide your approach.

Child Interview Guide

About School Feelings:

"How does your body feel when you think about school?"
"What part of the school day worries you most?"
"Are there any parts of school you don't mind or even like?"

About Specific Situations:

"Are there certain classes or times that are harder?"
"How do you feel about the other kids at school?"
"What about tests or being called on in class?"

About Home:

"How do you feel when you stay home from school?"
"What do you like to do when you're at home?"
"Do you worry about me (parent) when you're at school?"

Building Your Support Team

Effective intervention requires collaboration. Consider involving:

Team Member	Role	When to Involve
Classroom Teacher	Daily support, accommodation implementation	Immediately
School Counselor	Emotional support, coping strategies	As soon as pattern emerges
School Psychologist	Assessment, behavior planning	If refusal persists 2+ weeks
Pediatrician	Rule out medical issues, medication if needed	Early in process
Mental Health Therapist	Anxiety/depression treatment	For persistent emotional symptoms

Document all conversations and observations. This information will be valuable when working with professionals.

4

Matching Strategies to the Function

Learning Goal: Learn and implement targeted strategies based on your child's specific function of refusal.

Function-Based Interventions

For Function 1: Avoiding Negative Feelings

Primary Strategy: Gradual Exposure + Anxiety Management

Step-by-Step Approach:

Start with least anxiety-provoking step (e.g., driving to school)
Practice relaxation techniques (deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation)
Gradually increase exposure (enter building, attend one class, half day, full day)
Celebrate small victories

Create a "fear ladder" with your child, ranking school activities from least to most scary. Start at the bottom and work up slowly.

For Function 2: Escaping Social/Performance Situations

Primary Strategy: Skills Building + Cognitive Restructuring

Key Interventions:

Social skills training through role-play
Cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques
Practice presentations in safe environment
Develop coping statements: "I can handle this," "It's okay to make mistakes"

School Accommodations to Request:

Permission to present to teacher alone instead of class
Advance notice of being called on
Lunch bunch or social skills group

For Function 3: Seeking Attention from Caregivers

Primary Strategy: Contingency Management + Routine

Morning Routine Structure:

Wake at consistent time (no negotiation)
Breakfast ready at set time
Dressed in school clothes regardless
Minimal attention for refusal behaviors
Special time together AFTER school attendance

Important: Make staying home boring—no screens, treats, or special activities during school hours.

For Function 4: Pursuing Tangible Rewards

Primary Strategy: Incentive System + Removing Home Rewards

Reward System Example:

Daily: 15 minutes extra screen time for attendance
Weekly: Special privilege for 5 days attendance
Monthly: Larger reward (outing, purchase)

During School Hours:

No access to electronics
No recreational activities
Required to complete schoolwork at home
Early bedtime if school is missed

5

Working with the School

Learning Goal: Build an effective partnership with school staff to support your child's return.

Key Insight: A collaborative, multi-systemic approach where home and school work together is most effective.

Preparing for School Meetings

Before the Meeting:

Document patterns of refusal (days, times, triggers)
List strategies you've tried and their effectiveness
Prepare specific requests for accommodations
Bring any professional evaluations or recommendations

Key Questions to Ask School Staff

For Teachers:

"What behaviors or signs do you notice before my child becomes distressed?"
"Are there specific subjects or activities that seem more challenging?"
"How can we modify the curriculum temporarily to ease the transition back?"
"What's the plan for helping my child catch up on missed work?"

For Counselors/Support Staff:

"Is there a safe space my child can go when feeling overwhelmed?"
"Can someone check in with my child at the beginning of each day?"
"Are there peer support or social skills groups available?"
"How will we communicate about daily progress?"

Accommodation Ideas to Discuss

Accommodation	Purpose	Duration
Modified schedule (late start or early release)	Gradual re-entry	2-4 weeks
Break card (permission to leave class)	Anxiety management	Ongoing
Alternative lunch location	Social anxiety relief	As needed
Reduced homework initially	Prevent overwhelm	2-3 weeks
Email check-ins with parent	Communication	Daily initially

Creating a School Re-entry Plan

Work with the school to develop a written plan that includes:

Clear goals: Start with achievable targets
Specific strategies: Who does what, when
Communication protocol: How and when updates occur
Review dates: When to assess progress
Contingency plans: What to do if refusal escalates

6

Handling Mixed Profiles

Learning Goal: Develop strategies for children showing multiple functions of school refusal.

Key Insight: Most children exhibit "mixed profiles" with 2-3 functions contributing to their refusal, requiring layered interventions.

Understanding Mixed Profiles

A child with a mixed profile might:

Feel anxious about school (Function 1)
Want to avoid social situations (Function 2)
Also enjoy staying home with parent (Function 3)

Common Mixed Profile Combinations:

Anxiety + Attention Seeking:

Child has genuine anxiety but also receives comfort and attention when distressed. Requires anxiety treatment while adjusting parent responses.

Social Avoidance + Tangible Rewards:

Child avoids social stress at school and enjoys activities at home. Needs social skills support while limiting home privileges.

Performance Anxiety + Negative Feelings:

General anxiety combines with specific academic fears. Requires comprehensive anxiety management and academic accommodations.

Prioritizing Interventions

Creating Your Mixed Profile Action Plan

Step 1: Identify Primary Function

Which function seems strongest? Start here: ________________

Step 2: Layer Secondary Strategies

What other functions are present? Add these interventions: ________________

Step 3: Avoid Conflicting Approaches

Ensure strategies don't work against each other (e.g., providing comfort for anxiety while trying to reduce attention-seeking)

Step 4: Monitor and Adjust

Track which strategies work and be prepared to shift focus as needed

Sample Mixed Profile Plan: Anxiety + Attention Seeking

Morning Routine:

Brief, matter-of-fact comfort (2 minutes max)
Practice breathing exercise together
Redirect to getting ready
Minimal discussion of worries
Save longer talks for after school

During School Hours:

No texting with parent unless emergency
School counselor for anxiety support
Planned check-in times (not on-demand)

After School:

Special one-on-one time (contingent on attendance)
Process the day's challenges
Practice coping skills for tomorrow

7

Parent Self-Care & Family Support

Learning Goal: Maintain your own well-being while supporting your child through this challenge.

Key Insight: Parent stress and burnout can inadvertently reinforce school refusal. Your well-being directly impacts your child's recovery.

Recognizing Parent Stress

Common signs you're becoming overwhelmed:

Dreading mornings
Feeling angry or resentful toward your child
Physical exhaustion
Isolating from friends/family
Relationship strain with partner
Difficulty concentrating at work
Feeling hopeless about the situation

The Stress Cycle

Parent stress → Heightened emotional reactions → Child's anxiety increases → More refusal → More parent stress

Breaking this cycle requires intentional self-care.

Self-Care Strategies

Daily Self-Care (5-15 minutes)

Morning coffee/tea in peace before wake-up battles
Brief walk around the block
5-minute meditation or breathing exercise
Journaling frustrations
Listening to favorite music

Weekly Self-Care (1-2 hours)

Exercise class or gym visit
Coffee with a supportive friend
Hobby or creative activity
Date with partner (without discussing school)
Professional therapy or support group

Managing Family Dynamics

School refusal affects the entire family. Siblings may feel neglected, marriages can strain, and extended family may not understand.

Protecting Your Partnership:

Present a united front to your child
Discuss disagreements privately
Take turns handling morning routine
Schedule regular check-ins about approach
Seek couples counseling if needed

Supporting Siblings:

Acknowledge their feelings
Maintain their routines
Give individual attention
Explain age-appropriately
Don't make them responsible for helping

Your Support Network

List people you can turn to for different types of support:

Emotional support (listening ear): _____________________

Practical help (carpools, errands): _____________________

Professional guidance: _____________________

Respite care (watch child briefly): _____________________

Similar experiences (other parents): _____________________

8

Looking Ahead: Long-Term Success

Learning Goal: Create a sustainable plan for ongoing success and relapse prevention.

Key Insight: Recovery from school refusal is rarely linear. Expect setbacks and plan for them.

Understanding the Recovery Timeline

Typical Recovery Phases:

Weeks 1-2: Crisis Mode

High emotions, resistance, establishing plan

Weeks 3-6: Initial Progress

Small victories, building momentum, routine developing

Weeks 7-12: Consolidation

More consistent attendance, fewer physical symptoms

Months 4-6: Maintenance

Near-normal attendance, managing triggers independently

Ongoing: Vigilance

Monitoring for signs of relapse, especially during transitions

High-Risk Periods

Be especially prepared for potential setbacks during:

Return from holidays/breaks
Monday mornings
Test weeks
Social conflicts
Family stress or changes
Start of new school year
Transitions (elementary to middle, middle to high)

Building Resilience

Skills for Long-Term Success

For Your Child:

Problem-solving skills: "What can I do when..."
Emotion regulation: Identifying and managing feelings
Self-advocacy: Asking for help appropriately
Flexibility: Adapting to changes
Connection: Building supportive friendships

For Your Family:

Open communication patterns
Predictable routines
Celebration of progress
Quick response to warning signs
Ongoing professional support as needed

Creating Your Family Action Plan

Our Commitment to Success

Our Family Mission:

"We commit to supporting [child's name] in attending school regularly while addressing underlying challenges with patience and understanding."

Warning Signs We'll Watch For:

Our Response Plan for Setbacks:

Success Celebrations:

We will celebrate progress by:

Remember: You're Not Alone

School refusal affects approximately 1-5% of children. Many families have walked this path and found their way through. With persistence, the right support, and evidence-based strategies, most children successfully return to regular school attendance.

Final Thought: Every small step forward is progress. Celebrate the victories, learn from the setbacks, and keep moving forward together.

Resources & Appendices

Foundational

MINDS

Quick Reference Guides

Morning Routine Checklist

Wake child at set time (no snooze)

Limit discussion of worries (save for later)

Follow routine regardless of protests

Use calm, matter-of-fact tone

Implement predetermined consequences

Contact school if absence occurs

De-escalation Strategies

Stay calm: Your anxiety feeds theirs
Validate feelings: "I see you're really scared"
Don't negotiate: Stick to the plan
Use fewer words: Instructions, not discussions
Physical comfort: Brief hug if helpful
Redirect: Focus on next small step

Professional Resources

When to Seek Additional Help

Consider professional support if:

Refusal continues beyond 2 weeks
Child shows signs of depression
Physical symptoms persist
Family relationships are suffering
You feel overwhelmed or hopeless

Tracking Tools

Weekly Attendance Tracker

Week of:	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Notes
Example	✓	½	✗	✓	✓	Wed: Doctor appt
Week 1
Week 2

Behavior Observation Log

Date/Time	Trigger	Behavior	Response	Outcome
Example: Mon 7:30am	Getting dressed	Crying, "stomach hurts"	Validated, continued routine	Attended after 30 min

Important Contacts

School Contacts:

Principal: _________________________________

Counselor: _________________________________

Teacher: _________________________________

Nurse: _________________________________

Healthcare Providers:

Pediatrician: _________________________________

Therapist: _________________________________

Psychiatrist: _________________________________

Emergency Support:

Crisis Line: _________________________________

Mobile Crisis: _________________________________

Remember: This workbook is a tool to guide you, but every child and family is unique. Adapt these strategies to fit your specific situation, and don't hesitate to seek professional support when needed.

You've Got This!

With patience, persistence, and the right support, you can help your child overcome school refusal and thrive.

Foundational Minds
For Brains, Behaviours & Better Outcomes
Behaviour is communication • Trauma leaves patterns • Healing begins when people feel safe